Attachment - Breaking the Invisible Iron Chains

You can begin to lessen the emotional load and reveal your ability to experience true love when you can swallow this BIG GIANT PILL:

Attachment is based on your selfishness; If you are good to me, then I'll be good to you.  If you love my children, I will love yours.  If you tell me I'm pretty, I will tell you you're handsome. If you give me a gift, I will like you.   If your interests are the same as mine, I will include you in my plans.  If you help make my life easier, I will like you even better. Be honest....how many of us condition our relationships this way?

Attachment leads to possessiveness...MY friend, MY wife, MY husband, MY family...but at some point we all realize that we cannot own people.  So possessiveness leads to FEAR of losing, fake affection out of  fear, overprotection, jealousy, abuse or sometimes even the feeling of "I can't live without this person, I can't be happy without my car, my house, my boat, my job, my jewelry, my on and on and on....

I'm leading to the point that love with attachment consists of waves of emotion, up and down, in and out...creating invisible iron chains. Ordinary love can create bonds which may turn unpleasant because this ordinary love is based on selfishness.  WE ARE ATTRACTED TO OTHERS BECAUSE THEY HELP US. This attraction causes an attachment which is an obstacle in being able to live happily together with the person. 

Ordinary love asks How can this relationship fullfil MY needs?
Real love asks What can I do for YOU?

Attachment and ordinary love make us think we are seeing perfection in another person.  Is it really there? No. Is this perfection we are looking for achievable? No.  We are simply closing our eyes to the negatives because WE are being served well in this ordinary love. 

I love this story and I think it will help illustrate my point:  

One afternoon, Nasruddin and his friend were sitting in a cafe, drinking tea and talking about life and love. His friend asked: 'How come you never married?'
'Well,' said Nasruddin, 'to tell you the truth, I spend my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no common interests. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then one day, I met her; beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had very much in common. In fact, she was perfect!'

'So, what happened?' asked Nasruddin's friend, 'Why didn't you marry her?'

Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. 'Well,' he replied, 'it's really the sad story of my life.... It seemed that she was looking for the perfect man...' "
 
What the story teaches is that selfish expectations and attachments lead to unavoidable disappointment.
 
We want to get love, rather than give love.
We want to be understood, rather than understand.
We look for others to praise us, rather than give praise to others.
We don't like criticism, but we like to criticise others.
 
In every relationship, we learn that TRUE LOVE COMES WHEN ATTACHMENTS GO.
 
OneLove.