Before The Last Game

I have a way of organizing and filing what I call my line-up, my list of spiritual athletes and emotion coaches....my heart heroes. I keep them in what looks like the old-timey recipe box my mom kept all her tried and true, all-star recipes in.  Mine isn't squeezed into the cabinet above the fridge like hers was...mine is sort of tucked into a sacred little library in my mind. I hand-write all the cards, making sure to include the when, the where, the why this person changed something in me.  Every card is titled with my heart hero's name above the list of ingredients that make this recipe so unforgettable.  The instructions, the lessons, the tips, the hints are all jotted down so that I can close my eyes and relish in all the goodness this recipe has to offer. 

My newest recruit that's joined my line-up is Joe Ehrmann....Joe is a football coach, a speaker, a minister, founder of Building Men for Others, national Father of the Year and so much more.  I've been happily drenched in football lately so naturally Joe was a man I took interest in reading about and learning from.  Joe volunteers as a coach at an all-boys school in Baltimore but it's not the plays or the passes that makes Joe a winner.   Joe coaches the minds and the hearts of the players, molding them into men of substance, focusing on relationships and causes that go beyond themselves.  That is what makes Joe a heart hero.  An activity of Joe's that stuck with me is this....just before the last game of the season, coach asks all the seniors to present to the team an essay entitled, "How I Want to Be Remembered" ......

Wow! ......How I Want To Be Remembered by Patty Wolf....hmmmmm nobody's ever asked me that question, nevermind write an essay long enough to answer it thoroughly.  Chances are that none of you have been asked that question either. So let's do it now.....hmmmm how DO I want to be remembered? let me word this perfectly and proudly with picture-perfect punctuation...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and so on and so forth......THERE  done! I covered all my bases, my life as a mother, my life as a daughter, my life as a sister, a friend, a Catholic, a student of Buddhism, a lover of children (yours and mine)  a responsible citizen, an organ donor, a time sharer,  a smile giver, a secret keeper, a peace seeker, a former wife, an only parent....a survivor.....and a sunshine spreader....WHOA WHOA WHOA WAIT!  No wonder this feels half me, half not-so-much...I just had an epiphany....the real question is, "how WILL I be remembered?" not "how do I WANT to be remembered?" Oh my gosh, whole new ball game....this question makes me nervous.....which translates into how unsure I am that the way I want to be remembered will parallel how I will actually be remembered.  That's big.

Your turn....ask away, ask often, ask yourself....today, tomorrow and every day to follow....how will I be remembered?  and how do I want to be remembered? Be real and honest with yourself. Take all the steps necessary to get the answers to both questions  to mirror each other...always keeping in mind that you cannot legislate with words, only actions.  You cannot tell us what a great person you are, but you sure can show us. 

Get to work...God Bless...OneLove.

Church of One

So we all went to church....finally all four of us, together, and almost on time.  The ritual of Catholic mass in all its repetitive glory can mesmorize me in such a way that I am not really aware of what I'm saying.  I just know I'm saying it.  And I know every word, every pause, every kneel, every stand and every sit. But each and every time I celebrate mass my consciousness gets aroused when I recite the Apostle's Creed...today in unison with E on my left and G on my right...we all began, "I believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and Earth, of all that is seen and unseen one being with the Father...." and so on til our perfectly articulated profession was made.  It brings a wholeness to parts of me that maybe didn't feel so whole or should I say holy during the week. Makes me think I should be saying a creed of my own, a simple daily creed made up of my simple daily beliefs...ya know just to keep me and my breakable parts whole.

So simply, daily, surely and honestly.....I believe

~ in the healing power of a hug
~ that smiles are priceless
~ happiness doesn't happen, it is created
~ my children would do anything for me or for each other
~ that food is love
~ in sharing my feelings, good and bad
~ that nothing is more beautiful than a child's face
~ in saying "no" especially to my son when he begs for a dog
~ in having a will and finding a way
~ driving across town to give someone a hug is perfectly ok
~ in the power of positive thinking
~ that nature speaks to me
~ anger is the enemy
~ compassion is the key
~ acts of kindness should not be random
~ there are no mistakes, only lessons
~ in real, hands-on everyday parenting
~ a mother can also be a father
~ flying my own flag is the best example I can set
~ in judging based on behavior, not race or religion
~ that love conquers all

If I'm not living my creed, I'm not being true to my own religion, the church of one, of self, of me...it's a work in progress and quite honestly I never want it to be complete...

So I urge you to write your own creed...look inside your everyday bubble and see yourself talking to your friends, or approaching a stranger in need, or interacting with a child, parenting your kids, look outside your race or your sexual orientation and judge yourself.  What are the rights and what are the wrongs? Change the wrongs to rights and rewrite your creed as often as necessary...memorize it, recite it, live it, own it.  It is yours.

Hope For A Dying World.....by Evan Wolf

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written by guest blogger, Evan Wolf.....


Today on the way to the gym at a red light, I happened to look up and catch something a man should never do. For reasons unknown I saw a man reach across the car and punch a woman in the face, hard, as if she were a man. My emotions flew through me, tears welled in my eyes and my blood boiled in anger. If only he wasn’t across the road, almost facing my car off as if he were the evil and I was the good. If only I could’ve protected her, this stranger of a woman.

I don’t think anyone at USPlabs would like to hear how unfocused I was even after taking their pre-workout supplement haha but really, I couldn’t lift to save my life that day. It was still burned into my mind, almost a tattoo of something I never want to be. I decided to run it off, four miles later it was still there.

I went home and stopped at a gas station to buy a water, and an employee there was taking out the trash when the bag tore open and garbage went everywhere. This poor lady started picking up others filth while everyone else simply stepped over her as she did this. I couldn’t help but assist her, and I could tell by her smile that I had helped her day a little bit.

Is this what it’s come to? Have we all become so conceited and self preserved that we can’t do the smallest favors for others? What is there to fear? That we’ll waste a minute of our precious TV time at home? Is Evil taking hold of our hearts?

I sit now and write, hoping that after reading this that we all may exhibit the good we all possess in our hearts and minds. Don’t do it for Christ, don’t even do it for yourself, do it for the person next to you. Because in the end, the person next to you can be your life saver, your only hope, and your friend. And really, is it going to kill you? Is it? The answer, absolutely not. Let your heart beat outside of your skin, and your soul comfort the downtrodden.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Ten perfectly acceptable minutes after touching ground, the plane taxis into the gate as it melodically beep beep beeps us a warm welcome into the Atlanta airport...G and I have been separated by a row and an aisle during the two-hour flight from Newark yet the isolating nature of those darn airplane seats kept him out of view the entire time.  Ugggghhh the captain has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign...thank you Jesus...let's get off this plane...G and I quickly become single file sheep of the obedient flock making our way to the terminal...the rain, the heat, the strollers, the grandmas...move over we have another plane to catch.... Just then in perfect slow motion harmony with my right foot stepping onto the escalator, my left hand is suspended by the 28 soul tingling nerves of G's right hand....once again, thank you Jesus.

the reach, the search, the trust, the comfort....is there a better moment than this?

I don't think any of us can say that we've ever not noticed a hand holding.  How could we? I mean we are human...our hearts are beating, our blood is flowing and our brains are buzzing...when our hand is held....boy can we feel it. I can't help but think that if the eyes are the windows to the soul, then the hands must be the doors.  We unlocked those doors when we first welcomed our babies into our lives...didn't we all slip our fingers into the tiny palms of our newborns amazed at the responsorial grip they bestowed on us? Oh my gosh....did you see that? he squeezed my finger so tight! that is amazing...here, you try...

And then the countless days of toddlerhood, hand-in-hand, are what really paints a life...those palm-on-palm, skin-to-skin moments prime and prep us for all the colorful hand-holding to come. 

Our hands reach for each other's hands for so many reasons...but mainly to communicate in a way that words cannot..to comfort a friend, to reassure a child, to offer hope and condolence, to say I am here for you...truly, holding hands whispers I believe you and I believe in you.

So close your eyes and think about the milestones, the moments that matter......your hands were not dangling free, aimless and alone.  They were nestled in the palm of another's hand...in the doorway of another's soul.

OneLove

The House That Built Me

The days are few and far between when I don't blab incessantly about my song of the week.....ok so why stop now? My opening number this week every morning in the shower and then again at the matinee in the Volvo and any other random moment of musical urge is Miranda Lambert's The House That Built Me. (watch video above)

What I gather on day one is that the song gives hope and promise that our remedies are found in our memories. The lyrics lead us home to our little girl beds and our little boy bunks, tucked in tight, somebody we love turns out the light. Our pretty little houses still decorate our pretty little streets...If only we could run up those steps one more time and swing that door open to see mommy standing there. If we could sit on the red couch, the one with the Vermont snow scene, and run our hands across the worn spot one more time. And then stand in the corner of the kitchen and watch the five of us whisper and giggle til the fruit cocktail was gone or the milk was spilled. One more game of running bases and one more talent show .....
 Ok so that was Sunday's take.

But here comes Monday...well by now I know every verse, every word, every chord....by now I've sang the song 27 times...but by the beginning of the 28th encore, things start to add up.....and stir up.

Exactly where is the house that built me? Is there a house that built me? wait a minute....I've lived in alot of houses...hmmmm.

I suppose it was this morning when I realized that my house is that mansion on the hill that has sheltered, comforted, and protected me from the elements and forces of human nature that can storm all over a well-lived life.

My house has been expanded and remodeled through the years...it's been demolished and built back again....always looking better and feeling stronger than its previous state. My house has lots of room, plenty of space where I store my memories in sturdy little boxes that will never need replacing. I frame the defining moments and decorate the walls with my original works of art...the ones I am most proud of, the ones that are getting older and wiser and more beautiful every day.

Every mile, every turn, my house follows me...welcomes me back each and every time. There's a stillness that sits beneath the laughter and the tears that have occupied my house. Music travels through the rooms, filling the spaces left between love and loss.

To Italy, the islands or back to the coast, my house is coming with me; I have to make more room and fill more boxes. I have to paint the walls so my framed works of art will always look as good as they make me feel. I have to rearrange the furniture and freshen things up...I never know who's next to arrive or how long they'll stay. I must organize the boxes, making sure thre is plenty of room for the moments, the smiles, the tiny little stones that are left for me by people like you.

Poets can say it or Miranda can sing it, but I'm going to live it...by keeping my memories dust free and accessible in my mansion on the hill where I can hold on to the things I love, the things I am, and the things I never want to lose.
OneLove

Let's Talk About the C Word

Whoa whoa whoa....pick your head up. You know me better than that.  I want to talk about coincidence.

This is a big C word, a worthy C word, a C word I have heard alot about lately.  This C word has become very important to me. 

A co-incident occurred last week while driving in the car with Connor during one of our many treasured roundtrips for baseball.  To the game I began to tell him about an old song that had special meaning to me growing up.   I dissected the good parts, the lyrics, the meat and the heart of this lovesong as I promised to download it for him the next day.  I told him it's called Thank You, by Led Zeppelin and should be added to his virtual list of classics and must-knows. Well, we arrived at our destination, played two ballgames, hopped back in the car, jumped on the trace, got caught in one of our angry southern storms, and as coincidence would have it turned the radio on and .........there it was, in all its 1969 glory, feeling just like the first time it christened my ears..... if the sun refused to shine, i'll still be lovin' you; if mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.

WHAT???? OMG Connor, this is the song....turn it up, listen...OMG I can't believe it...what is going on here? Why does this always happen to us?? there it is, say it again.  Why does this always happen to us?

Why DOES this always happen to us?

Because some of us are awake and alert to the signs that life holds up for us.  They are meant to be read and followed.  Coincidence is a message from our universe....okay a little less new-agey way of saying it would be that coincidence is a high sign...letting us know we are on the right path.  We are moving in the right direction.  You see coincidence occurs when we are at a crossroads in our lives, we feel lost in a way and are unable to find a direction.  We are seeking answers to life's mysteries, and our questions are foremost in our minds.  So we seek Divine help and then we quiet down so we can hear, we open our eyes so that we can see, our minds become still and we invite the answer. That's when coincidences occur.  When we are ready for them. 

This powerful phenomenon unfolds in a myriad of ways, a chance encounter, an unexpected visitor, the number on the license plate in front of you, a dream with similarities to real-life events, a random remark made by someone in your office, a phrase in a book you are reading, a text message delivered at the perfect time, the source can be as diverse as life itself.  I believe that the more attuned you are to your higher self, the more you become aware of the meaning of coincidence.  Our problems are not in finding the answers; our problems are in identifying the questions. 

Can you see how the Led Zeppelin radio story signified and legitimized my involvement in Connor's life?  I gave him exposure to powerful soul-soothing lyrics because I am in tune with his emotional needs.  The coincidence of the radio play was a confirmation and an affirmation to us both.  The question was answered.

So how can you get your questions right? You'll need to poke around and probe your feelings and intuitions.  Know what your fears are, your anxieties, your true moments of happiness, your spiritual connections.  You need to know what feels right and what feels wrong, what feels loving to you, what reassures you, what is working in your life and what is not. You'll need to put in the work, take a long hard look at your innermost center.  You will begin to sense what your core questions are for which you seek answers.  At that point, coincidences will begin to kick in. They will point you in the right direction gently nudging you to the right answers, the right decisions to help you reach your goals and dreams.

When you acknowledge how meaningful these coincidences are and the positive changes they bring about, the more you attract such life-changing  events.

So if you happen to meet a stranger who lives 3,255 miles away, but to you it feels like home, don't ask, why? and don't ask, what are the chances? Because the chances are 100%.

OneLove

Attachment - Breaking the Invisible Iron Chains

You can begin to lessen the emotional load and reveal your ability to experience true love when you can swallow this BIG GIANT PILL:

Attachment is based on your selfishness; If you are good to me, then I'll be good to you.  If you love my children, I will love yours.  If you tell me I'm pretty, I will tell you you're handsome. If you give me a gift, I will like you.   If your interests are the same as mine, I will include you in my plans.  If you help make my life easier, I will like you even better. Be honest....how many of us condition our relationships this way?

Attachment leads to possessiveness...MY friend, MY wife, MY husband, MY family...but at some point we all realize that we cannot own people.  So possessiveness leads to FEAR of losing, fake affection out of  fear, overprotection, jealousy, abuse or sometimes even the feeling of "I can't live without this person, I can't be happy without my car, my house, my boat, my job, my jewelry, my on and on and on....

I'm leading to the point that love with attachment consists of waves of emotion, up and down, in and out...creating invisible iron chains. Ordinary love can create bonds which may turn unpleasant because this ordinary love is based on selfishness.  WE ARE ATTRACTED TO OTHERS BECAUSE THEY HELP US. This attraction causes an attachment which is an obstacle in being able to live happily together with the person. 

Ordinary love asks How can this relationship fullfil MY needs?
Real love asks What can I do for YOU?

Attachment and ordinary love make us think we are seeing perfection in another person.  Is it really there? No. Is this perfection we are looking for achievable? No.  We are simply closing our eyes to the negatives because WE are being served well in this ordinary love. 

I love this story and I think it will help illustrate my point:  

One afternoon, Nasruddin and his friend were sitting in a cafe, drinking tea and talking about life and love. His friend asked: 'How come you never married?'
'Well,' said Nasruddin, 'to tell you the truth, I spend my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no common interests. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then one day, I met her; beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had very much in common. In fact, she was perfect!'

'So, what happened?' asked Nasruddin's friend, 'Why didn't you marry her?'

Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. 'Well,' he replied, 'it's really the sad story of my life.... It seemed that she was looking for the perfect man...' "
 
What the story teaches is that selfish expectations and attachments lead to unavoidable disappointment.
 
We want to get love, rather than give love.
We want to be understood, rather than understand.
We look for others to praise us, rather than give praise to others.
We don't like criticism, but we like to criticise others.
 
In every relationship, we learn that TRUE LOVE COMES WHEN ATTACHMENTS GO.
 
OneLove.